I need to write this to get it out of my head and end this unresolved conflict within myself. Journaling everything I want to express is a healthy way to cope with the stresses of life. It helps me put things in proper perspective. I shoudn’t be suppressing this pain because it isn’t healthy to ignore these inner conflicts. As much as I can, I try to bring my attention back to the present and forget the past. Meditation helps me calm myself and feel happy. I really am happy, but I also feel every other emotion deeply as much as happiness.
Losing people you love isn’t easy. It makes you question yourself if you’ve ever loved them properly. If you’ve been a good friend, or if you’ve been too much for them. Questions like ‘where did I go wrong?’ start to appear and ‘what have I done to lose you abruptly?’ For all the times that things in my life have gone wrong, I always tend to blame myself for everything, which according to my psychometrician friend, is wrong. I shouldn’t blame myself first for the things that go wrong in my life because there are other external factors that may cause the error. But for situations like this, it still makes me wonder how people you love can turn their backs away from you like you’re worth nothing. It makes you question your self-worth and your ability to handle relationships.
One thing I’ve learned when people you love choose to walk away from you is you must let them.
1. Let them go. Let them walk away.
Some people would say ‘No! You have to fight for them! Show them how important they are, so maybe they’ll realize how wrong they are for choosing to walk away from you.’ Well, for me it’s a question of whether I love myself or not. If I love myself, I won’t go running after people who continually reject me everytime I’m with them. I don’t like feeling rejected and I guess nobody does. I’ve done my best and I’ve been there for them as best as I could and if that means I’d be compromising myself every time, then I think it’s time to let them go.
2. I’m fine on my own.
Being the introvert that I’ve always been, I enjoy the silence and my own company. Maybe for most people, they can’t stand being alone and not going out. For me, I can survive not going out of the house for weeks. I love the comfort of my home and feeling cozy. I love to read and discover things on my own just like when I was a little kid. I dont think I’ll ever outgrow that part of me that just wants to be alone on some days.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
You grow up, you lose friends and you move on. You’ll meet new ones along the way. It’s just the way life is, constantly changing. Life isn’t meant to be lived tied up to people that no longer want to be there. You’ll just end up hurting yourself trying to resist change. It’s okay to go against the flow and create your own current. Maybe you’re meant to defy the odds and go against the majority if that’s what you feel like doing. Maybe you’re different. Maybe you’ll realize someday that you were meant for greater things, to go to different places and meet different people.
The only thing that remains constant in this world is change. We must submit to the changes God has been doing in our lives. God is constantly using people and circumstances to shape us into the person God wants us to be. Maybe the people we loved so dearly were only instruments that God used to make us realize the important life lesson of letting go.
Yes, maybe that’s the real reason why. That everything in this world, God can wipe away in an instant and that we must learn to value the blessing He has given us, while it’s still there. Though losing people we love can be painful to accept and the process involves a lot of heartbreaks, pain and crying; we still come out stronger. It’s through feeling pain that we realize and learn to strive for something we are worthy of.
Pain ignites the fire that was dormant inside our souls. It’s through pain that we learn to escape and reach a higher, better place; a place where we are meant to be.