891: 3 Things I learned when people I love walked away from me

I need to write this to get it out of my head and end this unresolved conflict within myself. Journaling everything I want to express is a healthy way to cope with the stresses of life. It helps me put things in proper perspective. I shoudn’t be suppressing this pain because it isn’t healthy to ignore these inner conflicts. As much as I can, I try to bring my attention back to the present and forget the past. Meditation helps me calm myself and feel happy. I really am happy, but I also feel every other emotion deeply as much as happiness.

Losing people you love isn’t easy. It makes you question yourself if you’ve ever loved them properly. If you’ve been a good friend, or if you’ve been too much for them. Questions like ‘where did I go wrong?’ start to appear and ‘what have I done to lose you abruptly?’ For all the times that things in my life have gone wrong, I always tend to blame myself for everything, which according to my psychometrician friend, is wrong. I shouldn’t blame myself first for the things that go wrong in my life because there are other external factors that may cause the error. But for situations like this, it still makes me wonder how people you love can turn their backs away from you like you’re worth nothing. It makes you question your self-worth and your ability to handle relationships.

One thing I’ve learned when people you love choose to walk away from you is you must let them.

1. Let them go. Let them walk away.

Some people would say ‘No! You have to fight for them! Show them how important they are, so maybe they’ll realize how wrong they are for choosing to walk away from you.’ Well, for me it’s a question of whether I love myself or not. If I love myself, I won’t go running after people who continually reject me everytime I’m with them. I don’t like feeling rejected and I guess nobody does. I’ve done my best and I’ve been there for them as best as I could and if that means I’d be compromising myself every time, then I think it’s time to let them go.

2. I’m fine on my own.

Being the introvert that I’ve always been, I enjoy the silence and my own company. Maybe for most people, they can’t stand being alone and not going out. For me, I can survive not going out of the house for weeks. I love the comfort of my home and feeling cozy. I love to read and discover things on my own just like when I was a little kid. I dont think I’ll ever outgrow that part of me that just wants to be alone on some days.

 
3. Everything happens for a reason.

You grow up, you lose friends and you move on. You’ll meet new ones along the way. It’s just the way life is, constantly changing. Life isn’t meant to be lived tied up to people that no longer want to be there. You’ll just end up hurting yourself trying to resist change. It’s okay to go against the flow and create your own current. Maybe you’re meant to defy the odds and go against the majority if that’s what you feel like doing. Maybe you’re different. Maybe you’ll realize someday that you were meant for greater things, to go to different places and meet different people.

The only thing that remains constant in this world is change. We must submit to the changes God has been doing in our lives. God is constantly using people and circumstances to shape us into the person God wants us to be. Maybe the people we loved so dearly were only instruments that God used to make us realize the important life lesson of letting go.

Yes, maybe that’s the real reason why. That everything in this world, God can wipe away in an instant and that we must learn to value the blessing He has given us, while it’s still there. Though losing people we love can be painful to accept and the process involves a lot of heartbreaks, pain and crying; we still come out stronger. It’s through feeling pain that we realize and learn to strive for something we are worthy of.

Pain ignites the fire that was dormant inside our souls. It’s through pain that we learn to escape and reach a higher, better place; a place where we are meant to be.

892 days to MD: Encouragement

It’s gonna be okay. They may doubt you, say untrue and hurtful things about you but you know you’re gonna make it through, just like what you’ve always did before. It may seem hard and there will be a lot of people who will try to bring you down. Dont mind them dont listen to them. Take your focus away from them. This is all part of the journey so trust God. He takes away the unnecessary people in your life so you can live a spacious, free life where you are free to run after your dreams in full speed without anyone stopping you. Dont let anyone stop you. Dont let anyone get into your head. Get your head in the game and focus relentlessly. You and you alone will be the only one to get yourself to the top. Become your best self and show them your ability to focus and achieve. You are more than what they think you are. You are so much more than that. Those who truly love you will stay and encourage you on this journey. Everyone else is just a distraction. Don’t listen to anyone but yourself. You do what’s best for you. God will make a way to clear your path of any obstacle. Sometimes, storms can be blessings in disguise. You just have to see it differently. See past all the destruction it has given you. God may have cleared out the bad broken ones so you can start all over again with a clean space, free from distractions. Embrace every challenge and most importantly, grow.

894 days to MD: Writing is my Cure

There is healing in writing. For the people who haven’t tried it yet, you should. There is power in words that most people haven’t discovered yet. Your words can echo through centruries if properly preserved or they can be forgotten easily if not written.

For me, writing is my therapy, my outlet. I can organize the words I want to convey with such eloquence and still be able to convey what I want to express, respectively. Most misunderstandings come from the wrong way of saying words. To avoid that mistake, I prefer to write out how I feel instead of carelessly saying them.

Words mean so much to me. I take what people say seriously, being hung up on what I just heard. I love to contemplate on words and I love to use them to express how I feel. I prefer writing over speaking because in writing, I get to organize my thoughts and use it to speak in an orderly manner.

Writing helps me think and sort out my thoughts properly. It gives me clarity and depth. It helps me dig deep within my heart all the pain I’ve been hiding and the tears I’ve never cried. It helps me be true to myself and prevent me from living in denial.

What we all feel is valid. There are no invalid emotions. We deserve to be understood.

-900days.wordpress.com

Writing helps me heal all these emotional wounds that other people have caused. Their apology would have made things a little bit easier, but since I don’t get apologies often, writing releases me from some of the pain.

For those whose hearts are hurting, I suggest that you write out all your emotions. No one has to read them if you dont want it out into the public. You can burn the paper afterwards, it also helps with the pain. It’s like taking the pain out of your heart and burning it all into ashes.

There’s beauty in writing and it can heal hurting souls. Writing is my cure and it can be yours too. Try it, then come back here and tell me all about your writing experience.

895 days to MD: I’ll start writing again

I have always loved to write and it’s something I can’t stop doing. It doesn’t matter if it’s Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr or WordPress; I always have something good to share. The gifts that God has given us have its purpose and it would be such a waste if I didn’t develop mine.

I have decided on improving my writing skills since it’s one thing I’ll never get tired of doing. It doesnt matter wherever I am, can I still do it on the road. It’s convenient and easy to do.

I have lots of inspiring ideas which I believe, needs to be shared with the world. I live to create words that inspire the people who need encouragement. I feel happy when the words I say or write reach the hearts that need it. I’m happy when I make other people happy, through my own words.

Other people’s happiness and comfort bring me also the same amount of joy. It is with great pleasure that I may be used for God’s love and glory. I hope I can give back the love that the world needs through the words that I speak.

Words hold so much power in them, we should use them with more caution. It can heal and break hearts. It can give you opportunities and make you lose chances. It can end relationships and start new ones. The absence of words can mean the end of a year’s worth of conversation and starting a conversation can establish a lifelong friendship.

Words are so important. Many people tend to underestimate that. Let us all be aware of the words we speak and may everything we say be a source of healing for others.

897: Trusting in God

One of the best advices the older women from our church gave me was to give my life to God and seek Him, because only then, that everything I need will be given to me. It’s not that hard to obey once you realize that doing the right thing won’t cause any harm and doing the right thing will benefit everyone. Sometimes, it can be hard to choose but you can never go wrong with obeying God. Obeying God means making a lot of sacrifices. I’ve cried several times trying to do the right thing because it would mean that I will not choose the option that I want, but insted choose what God wants. I had to reject a lot of people or to slowly disappear so there won’t be any painful goodbyes.

If you would ask me, some guys are perfect, except for the fact that they love themselves more than God. For me, that’s the number one thing I’d check on; if he does everything to please God, and not himself. It’s easy to love anyone, but not everyone can love you right especially if they’re living their life without God.

As perfect as a person can seem, and as much as I like him all the same, God makes plot twists so we can’t be together. Like, suddenly he’s gone or suddenly he likes someone else the moment I start liking him. And then I question God ‘Why?’

Maybe it’s God’s way of protecting me from being tied to the wrong person or diverting me according to His plan for my life. I just simply just have to trust Him. I remembered that I decided to give my all the pieces of my life and my heart to Him, so that He would rearrange it, mend it and take care of it. That was my prayer. He’s doing just that, taking care of me. He’s doing a lot of rearranging and sudden turning of events in my life that He won’t just let me make stupid decisions to ruin myself. He’s that protective and He loves me that much.

I love you Father/God. He is the King of kings and the King of my heart. I am His daughter. I will do everything I can to represent His love to this fallen world that desparately needs it. I’m doing my best and I hope I can do more.

898 days to MD: it’s Feb 14 and I have a date with Schwartz

Like the past years in medschool, I have a date with my books. Last year, it was Harrison’s and for this year, it’s Schwartz’s turn to keep me up all night.

​I guess some things are just more important than having a date with a cute guy on Valentine’s Day. LOL

I have exams tomorrow. At least I was productive and on tract, not being swayed by any distractions that can keep me from losing my focus.

Whether I have a date on Valentine’s Day or not, the truth that God loves me very much will outshine everything else.

899 days to MD: day before Midterms

Studying out, particularly at coffee shops, makes me more productive. I cant concentrate much at home.
Having a chat with a friend made me realize something: never be too attached to people so you wont have too deal with heartaches when missing them. But of course that’s not me. I do get attached with people I start to love and I do miss all my friends (and it doesn’t matter if they miss me or not)

I need to catch on some sleep but I still need to read. I feel like I’m a robot. Taking in all the information, not understanding anything. The struggle is real. That overwhelming feeling of reading a lot of info, but not being able to retain it. I have yet to master the art of studying Medicine.

Any advice on how to memorize and absorb information faster? Let me know.